Tears of Happiness

Scrolling through YouTube Videos, munching on snacks, procrastinating on homework. That's my typical Friday. No care for the world because its a freaking Friday, I have a whole weekend to explore, to vegetate, and to do absolutely nothing ... well except for homework, but that's besides the point.

Classes have been overwhelming, too much to do in too little time, not to mention my incapability to time manage, but hey, I'm only a sophomore, what do I know?

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

I envy those who have their life together. Who have so much talent.

I was watching some of the best America's Got Talent and X-Factor videos, and man do they have some talent. They're so down to earth, so authentic, and so genuine. Seeing them brought tears to my eyes, but at the same time, I look back at myself and I think, why not me?

Maybe it's because I'm not suited to be famous or on stage, but I want my recognition. Yes, this is a little selfish, but I too like to be a part of the attention. No matter how much I say I don't, I actually do. I really do.

So maybe thats just me. I am human though so attention and approval of others are part of me. Yet I hate this dependence. No,

It's more like I hate my natural inclination to seek other's approval.

I am strong, I am capable, and I am independent.

The quote of the day that the app Momentum gave to me was, "When you see a person without a smile, give them one of yours." - Zig Ziglar

Smile

That's all I need.

Happiness is such an abstract concept, but a smile really bottles just a little bit of happiness and gives it to whomever you're smiling towards.
It's infinite, it's free, and it's people's way of showing that they care.

Some may be genuine, others may not, regardless, they mean something. The receivers takes it in and cherishes it.

Yet, why the title "Tears of Happiness" ?
Why not Smiles?

Smiles anybody can fake, but tears of happiness, those don't come around so often.
I am a cryer, especially when something good happens in movies, shows, even in those YouTube Videos, I cried for the singers. Why? Because to them they are doing what they love, and they're doing it so beautifully that it moved me to tears.

I envy them, not because I want to be them, but because I also want to move others to tears with my work. I want to show that I truly love what I do regardless of the place, time, activity, etc. I want to move them, and I want to move myself.

I want to get to the point where I know that I am capable of what I am doing without the attention or approval of others.

I am capable.

I am strong.

I will find my way and center myself.

Growth is what I want. Tears of Happiness is what I desire. Maybe not from others.
I can find independence.
Tears of Happiness for myself.
The self.

--- Su :')