I love being left out
I love putting my all and not being appreciated
I love losing all my data
I love fucking up
I love people not fucking caring about me
Can you sense the sarcasm?
When I was a sophomore UNC, I've experienced the stress of being an event planner. Something exhilarating, something exciting, and something new every fucking day. yet this year, it's different.
what the fuck am i doing?
... to be continued
Monday, December 4, 2017
Friday, July 21, 2017
Silence
Silence.
It feeds the soul in more ways than you would expect.
The restaurant that I grew up in made noise nonstop.
The clanking of the wok
the ringing of the phone
the rustling from the receipts
the chopping from the knives
the yelling of my Chinese Dialect (Fuzhounese) from my parents
All these noises became a masterpiece I would like to call: "Chinese Restaurant"
Wonderfully conducted by my parents
I've come to appreciate this composition with its wonderful additions coming from the crowd, or better known as the customers.
Although as a child, I tried blocked those sounds off when I work, it comes back to me. I can still hear the noises that my parent's restaurant would make.
It has also made me appreciate silence. I empty my mind, concentrate on my breathe, and let silence envelope me and my entirety. Silence lets me ponder, analyze, explore, wonder, reflect, learn
So maybe silence isn't so bad.
Although it may not have been an extremely loud part of my life. I still notice it.
It's soft
It's subtle
That's the beauty of it.
I've come to appreciate it as I sit on this desk typing away. Because it has an effect on me me that no medicine could possibly accomplish
It's soothing
It's healing
It's calming
It's all that I want from a cup of tea and so much more.
Silence, I appreciate and am grateful that you've impacted me so.
extension: (Alternative title: the effect of sound)
Silence lets me be alone
yet, sound is an agent of energy, liveliness, people, warm bodies, living organisms, smiles, joy
I've come to appreciate the masterpiece because it's what makes me distinct from non-restaurant kids
yet similar to my fellow restaurant compatriots, each with their own arrangement of restaurant sounds.
In amidst of all those sounds, I feel at home.
Its surprisingly comforting.
Who knew that I would one day appreciate the sound of my parent's restaurant that I tried so hard to drown out as a child?
- Su
It feeds the soul in more ways than you would expect.
The restaurant that I grew up in made noise nonstop.
The clanking of the wok
the ringing of the phone
the rustling from the receipts
the chopping from the knives
the yelling of my Chinese Dialect (Fuzhounese) from my parents
All these noises became a masterpiece I would like to call: "Chinese Restaurant"
Wonderfully conducted by my parents
I've come to appreciate this composition with its wonderful additions coming from the crowd, or better known as the customers.
Although as a child, I tried blocked those sounds off when I work, it comes back to me. I can still hear the noises that my parent's restaurant would make.
It has also made me appreciate silence. I empty my mind, concentrate on my breathe, and let silence envelope me and my entirety. Silence lets me ponder, analyze, explore, wonder, reflect, learn
So maybe silence isn't so bad.
Although it may not have been an extremely loud part of my life. I still notice it.
It's soft
It's subtle
That's the beauty of it.
I've come to appreciate it as I sit on this desk typing away. Because it has an effect on me me that no medicine could possibly accomplish
It's soothing
It's healing
It's calming
It's all that I want from a cup of tea and so much more.
Silence, I appreciate and am grateful that you've impacted me so.
extension: (Alternative title: the effect of sound)
Silence lets me be alone
yet, sound is an agent of energy, liveliness, people, warm bodies, living organisms, smiles, joy
I've come to appreciate the masterpiece because it's what makes me distinct from non-restaurant kids
yet similar to my fellow restaurant compatriots, each with their own arrangement of restaurant sounds.
In amidst of all those sounds, I feel at home.
Its surprisingly comforting.
Who knew that I would one day appreciate the sound of my parent's restaurant that I tried so hard to drown out as a child?
- Su
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Thoughts of the Day
Thinking about my life and my purpose on this life. What is it exactly?
I've always wanted to help people improve and grow. Self-improvement has always been something that I've tried to attain, and it keeps me going. It keeps me motivated and determined to do whatever I need to do.
But sometimes I think about my needs and how they are different from others. Or how people can be different than me.
How do I connect with them? And what do I expect from them?
I've recently applied to be an RA and this idea of being of RA has become a goal of mine. I want to help students, not only have the "Carolina Experience" but also find their most improved self. Or least have some awareness of themselves.
Living on this diverse campus has made me aware that I may not be alone, and I can find my people. But I seem to have lost my uniqueness on this campus.
Am I just another face on this campus?
Am I just another paper to grade to my professors?
Am I just another mouth to feed to the dining hall staff?
What am I, and how can I help incoming students center themselves and find themselves?
I say this in all seriousness because at some points while being on this campus, I feel I am enveloped in a sea of students. I don't feel so special. I feel ... plain, boring, uninteresting compared to other people. Does that mean I have blend into my surroundings? Does that mean I've reached the natural state of being a college student, nothing but an oxygen addicted eukaryote, who has way too much stuff in her dorm?
I think and I reflect on this because I feel like in my large lecture classes, I am just another face that they will forget the next semester.
Yet this year, I've decided to come out of my shell. (not that last year was not an improvement already) But even more so than last year.
My word this year is expression.
Expressing myself through words, actions, papers, tests, dance, music, all the nitty gritty of life. Because I want to be heard. I have ideas and damn it I will express them.
So let me speak.
Let me shout
Let me DO
My Carolina experience may be different from yours, but who says that the Carolina experience has to be a certain way?
Who says that I need to be so and so to have a true Carolina experience?
Please don't put me in a box.
I feel uncomfortable, I feel constricted, and I feel heavy.
I want to be light, and free. Isn't it invigorating?
So I say the same to others.
My Carolina experience may be different than yours, but who says thats not okay? It's completely okay. It's your time at college, if you're enjoying yourself than thats great! If you're not, then why? Find the root: too many classes, do not know how to prioritize, emotional instability, or just the campus in general.
Just thinking about the individualistic aspects of UNC, makes me happy.
I feel liberated and weightless. Let me soar!
Express yourself
Be free
Let your imagination run wild.
Because isn't that the whole point of college? Finding yourself and exploring your interests and lastly challenge your once stable opinions.
Why not widen your horizon? Why not take an esoteric class? Why not reflect on all that you've done.
Don't live vicariously through other people.
Don't just exist. LIVE
Be who you want to be, not what society expects you to be.
Uniqueness keeps the world interesting, differences makes us special.
So put the phone down and find your purpose in life.
What do you have to lose?
- Su
I've always wanted to help people improve and grow. Self-improvement has always been something that I've tried to attain, and it keeps me going. It keeps me motivated and determined to do whatever I need to do.
But sometimes I think about my needs and how they are different from others. Or how people can be different than me.
How do I connect with them? And what do I expect from them?
I've recently applied to be an RA and this idea of being of RA has become a goal of mine. I want to help students, not only have the "Carolina Experience" but also find their most improved self. Or least have some awareness of themselves.
Living on this diverse campus has made me aware that I may not be alone, and I can find my people. But I seem to have lost my uniqueness on this campus.
Am I just another face on this campus?
Am I just another paper to grade to my professors?
Am I just another mouth to feed to the dining hall staff?
What am I, and how can I help incoming students center themselves and find themselves?
I say this in all seriousness because at some points while being on this campus, I feel I am enveloped in a sea of students. I don't feel so special. I feel ... plain, boring, uninteresting compared to other people. Does that mean I have blend into my surroundings? Does that mean I've reached the natural state of being a college student, nothing but an oxygen addicted eukaryote, who has way too much stuff in her dorm?
I think and I reflect on this because I feel like in my large lecture classes, I am just another face that they will forget the next semester.
Yet this year, I've decided to come out of my shell. (not that last year was not an improvement already) But even more so than last year.
My word this year is expression.
Expressing myself through words, actions, papers, tests, dance, music, all the nitty gritty of life. Because I want to be heard. I have ideas and damn it I will express them.
So let me speak.
Let me shout
Let me DO
My Carolina experience may be different from yours, but who says that the Carolina experience has to be a certain way?
Who says that I need to be so and so to have a true Carolina experience?
Please don't put me in a box.
I feel uncomfortable, I feel constricted, and I feel heavy.
I want to be light, and free. Isn't it invigorating?
So I say the same to others.
My Carolina experience may be different than yours, but who says thats not okay? It's completely okay. It's your time at college, if you're enjoying yourself than thats great! If you're not, then why? Find the root: too many classes, do not know how to prioritize, emotional instability, or just the campus in general.
Just thinking about the individualistic aspects of UNC, makes me happy.
I feel liberated and weightless. Let me soar!
Express yourself
Be free
Let your imagination run wild.
Because isn't that the whole point of college? Finding yourself and exploring your interests and lastly challenge your once stable opinions.
Why not widen your horizon? Why not take an esoteric class? Why not reflect on all that you've done.
Don't live vicariously through other people.
Don't just exist. LIVE
Be who you want to be, not what society expects you to be.
Uniqueness keeps the world interesting, differences makes us special.
So put the phone down and find your purpose in life.
What do you have to lose?
- Su
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